Taisch's Ark of Fools Blog

In which I randomly babble, mostly about things I've watched or read. If I feel like it. Which means mostly Chinese movies/series (mostly in the wuxia genre) or Doctor Who related things.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

You call this a snack food!?

So I was shopping at (one of) the local Chinese supermarkets today, looking for some snacks to bring in for my daughter's preschool's "International Day" when I realized (as I do every time I attempt to do something "ethnic" for the kids' schools) that the Chinese just have very strange ideas on snacking. And dessert.

Crispy Dried Crab

Exhibit A: "Crispy Dried Crabs"! Look at them! They're tiny little crabs (VERY cute) fried up or something with lots of salt...and licorice, is it? Good grief. This is just one step up from eating the big fat cicadas that overrun Maryland every 17 years (the difference being, someone ELSE cooked and packaged the crabs for me). These are from Taiwan. They also have similar things with fish, cuttlefish, shrimp, etc., some salty, some sweet. The label on the back is also very amusing:

"...All of the "TA YUAN" products will supply high quality of cuttlefish with wonderful ethnic taste for you [we'll see after I try them...]...If the products look strange, to you before or after you open the package please contact us A.S.A.P. to exchange for you [ROFL. For what, a bag of potato chips?]"

And then there's the bizarre misconception that sweet bean paste makes a good pastry filling. Or a good dessert dumpling filling. Red bean paste, black bean paste, in everything except beans on toast (ok, the English are weird, too. Is that what they eat instead of peanut butter?). Yeah...whatever... I hate moon cakes, too.

Then there's all the various spicy dried bean snacks. The wasabi peas seem to be Japanese, but they're very popular among the Chinese, too. (Actually, I love the wasabi peas. It's just that lately I've preferred my cashew/dried cranberry combo.) And of course peanuts go in here, too.

And not content with dried beans, they also have all kinds of dried fruit. The classic being the evil sour balls of death, erm, some kind of dried plum pits. NOT the (actually edible) dried plums you might at Trader Joe's, but REALLY dry little hard wrinkly balls that make your face scrunch up in pain. My mother used to feed me these when I got car sick.

But then again, my mother also insisted that duck gizzards were one of her favorite snacks when she was a kid. DUCK GIZZARDS. She tried (unsuccessfully) to recreate them for me when I was growing up. Perhaps there's some secret to their preparation...

Well. A bit more success with the seeds. Watermelon seeds and pumpkin seeds, mostly. Yes, I eventually learned how to shell and eat the watermelon seeds. And these days I do save the seeds from the Halloween pumpkins and roast them. Even my kids will eat them.

Then there's the various rice cakes, barley cakes, etc. Not exactly Rice Crispies treats, but there you go. I could almost like them, if I liked that sort of thing at all.

And pork (or is it beef?) jerky...I think they make that stuff in Canada these days. Big red boxes of it. Haven't had it in awhile, but I seem to remember liking it.

And bean curd pudding...I wonder if you could sell it in little cups and market it in the U.S.? There seems to be a market for soy products. I mean, the "soy milk" really took off (for which I am very grateful. I much prefer it to cow's milk.) Hmm.

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Tuesday, May 1, 2007

Popcorn with ham!

Ok, so maybe you don't care for "instant natural jellyfish" (I admit, it palls by the third time you eat it in the same week). And you're allergic to peanut butter. And chips and candy are still boring, and you're not in the mood for fruit or (gods forbid) celery sticks.

Well, try some popcorn with ham! That's right, don't waste your money on the pre-mixed nasty stinky butter-flavored (or worse, cheese-flavored) popcorn you get in the microwaveable bags, at about a measly three per box. Get some nice cheap popcorn (I like the white kind, personally. It looks prettier with the ham), a brown paper bag (lunch bag does nicely), and some ham (the thinly sliced rectangles people put on their sandwiches: say 6 slices --- more if you're feeling greedy). Put some popcorn in the bag (a couple of generous handfuls, maybe. If you mess up, try again, the popcorn's cheap), fold down the top of the bag a few times, then stick it in the microwave (folded bit down), and microwave on high for a few minutes (about 3-4 minutes on mine, until the popcorn is only popping about once per second).

Meanwhile, slice up the ham into shreds, about 0.5 cm wide by 5 cm long. Put it on your plate. When the microwave goes BEEP BEEP BEEP, take out the popcorn and add it to the other side of the plate. Enjoy the freshly nuked popcorn aroma. Then pick up a piece of popcorn, a piece of ham, and wrap the ham around the popcorn. Mmmm!

I'm serious.

Try this.

This meme must spread!!!

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Sunday, April 22, 2007

Instant Natural Jellyfish!

Yes, that's right, you can now buy "Instant Natural Jellyfish" in little 5.2 oz packets. I got mine for just $0.99 each, about the same as a candy bar or two, but ever so much squishier...more rubbery...salty...ah, nothing quite like the chewy crunch of jellyfish salad. These come with even tinier packets, one of oil, one of seasoning (mostly salt and MSG, I think).

Ok, it's not exactly great jellyfish, but when you have that craving for jellyfish, and suck at preparing your own (the last ones I cooked came out like shriveled up rubber bands), this is the next best thing. As the directions say, it would probably taste better if you added some scallions or something, but if you're using an instant package, the whole point is not having to do any more work yourself!

So, if you're bored with chocolate bars, gum, M&Ms, chips, etc., pick up some Instant Natural Jellyfish! Woot! (At any rate, my 2 yr old daughter loved it...kept stealing it from my bowl after she'd finished her own share.)

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